ends

I am a product of the lives I have lived. Ive encountered a plethora of useless bitches, fucks and assholes. Every experience and encounter painting my character with unique textures.

I am always left awestruck when ending a relationship with someone that turns vicious. I seldom hold malicious thoughts towards anyone…. Until they lash out in a beastly, juvenile manner; astounding me as to what I saw to let them in my life in the first place.

I paint myself in a harsh way and am cynical and heavily guarded. Yet, I still love, and trust and have faith that there are a handful of decent and worthwhile folks out there in the mists that feel the same way I do.

I abhor ignorance, lying and women who play the helpless female, expecting the world to take care of them. Several come to mind. I know of women rasisng their daughters to believe the world owes them.
And people call me twisted!

I get nasty emails from people judging my choices. Ive been accused of being a prostitute, of bastardizing the lifestule I work in; and being in it only for the money. I am up front and honest. You don’t have to write silly essays and jump through hoops until you’ve spent the amount I want to get the action you desire. I don’t play games or demand to be “spoiled” claiming I’m not seeking compensation… Bitch. It’s the same thing.
I enter into an agreement with you. You lay down your cash. And I, fully clothed… unleash a wealth of experience and knowledge on your mind and flesh. It’s honest and beneficial for all involved.

Here it is… for all former husbands, lovers, friends and slaves… a big, bright, shiny middle finger. Fuck you very much. I learned from it. You bitches made me the loveable, luscious creature I am today.

Bettie Page

R I P Bettie

Sometimes you've got to let everything go - purge yourself. If you are unhappy with anything . . . whatever is bringing you down, get rid of it. Because you'll find that when you're free, your true creativity, your true self comes out.

tic toc

I am a ticking bomb
Ready to detonate at any second
All it will take is a thumb to hit the trigger and away I’ll blow.
Into a billion pieces
Scattering across the universe
Leaving a greasy, stench
that will last for centuries
Remnants of heartache and disappointment
That accumulated over 40 years

I am my greatest disappointment
For letting fear cripple me.
And I wonder
What happened to the fearless girl that once possessed my body.

pics

i have pictures posted here... it's free to join and view.

Happy Halloweenie

i'd love to say i'm doing something magnificent for halloween. going to a black ball or traveling to another city to attend some stellar party with lots of scantily clad, submissive young things; all pining for my brutal affections.

truth is... all the sessions i had planned for this week fell through. on the upside they did phone and explain.
i dont feel festive, which blows because i love this holiday.
likely i will throw on some gothy gear and slide down to the corner for a drink. or three. maybe i can witness something amazing. i am hopeful, cause hey... you never know!

i post session pics at femdommesociety. my page is in the links list~~~>

old dogs and hardwood floors

I found the cord to my camera when I moved. There were pics from the summer I had forgotten all about.

X is a masochist of colossal proportion. He adores brutal, inescapable bondage and comes up with the most agonizing positions to put himself in, things I would never think of without him. Bless his twisted soul. He is incredibly fun to play with and likely the purest masochist I have encountered.

X decides he wants a puppy play session. He had complex ideas about how he could be bound in order to achieve the proper four legged effect. I have little experience with puppy play so was excited about the possibilities to do so having recently been experimenting with m~ doing puppy play through hypnosis.

X arrives with his cage and several rolls of sticky bandages. I decide I want to make him a girl puppy. A quick trip to Walgreens and we are back and ready to play. I put a blanket on the floor and told him to wrap his legs as he had told me about with ace bandages around his bent knee; 2 rolls, round and round each leg. I then turn his hands into paws with the bandages wrapping tightly his closed fist with these tacky ace bandages. ...the entire time thinking… “poor bastard, better you than me.”

I sit here laughing now recalling little of what led up to the hilarious and abrupt ending to our “puppy play” but here are a few details.
I did pin pink clasps into his hair and little pink bows over each ear.
“Your voice is gone. You are a pretty pink puppy. Bark once for yes and twice for no until I instruct you otherwise.” I clamped a leash around the collar on his neck and tugged slightly as I spoke to him as my prized girl puppy. Out of the corner of my eye… I saw the pump vac and decide I could put lovely pink spots on him with it. So I did… first his nipples and then his back, repeatedly.
“And now your name is Spot. Pink Spot.” And I laughed… he looked so silly and so happy to have amused me that I grabbed my camera and took pictures.

Now we’ve been playing for about 45 minutes and I’m ready to do dome basic obedience training with him. I bring a bowl of water and offer him a little drink, placing my foot on the back of his head. Then once his beard is dripping, I pull up on the leash and take the bowl; empty and place it under him and tell him to go pee if he can. He does not take the opportunity. So off we go… down the hallway of my apartment on the hardwood floors.
I instruct him where and how to sit and to follow my left leg like he is glued to it. He is to stop when I stop and go when I go unless I instruct otherwise. We stop and start twice I think. He is lagging behind.

I don’t remember what is said, if anything; before I knew he was in distress. He mumbled something about the hardwood floors and I am certain he can’t crawl any further. I decide to go for that blanket he was on, push him over onto it and drag him back to the playroom. But I can’t. I am laughing so hard at the old dog that I have to run for the potty lest I pee all over myself. As I sit on the toilet trying to compose myself, I hear him coming down the hall. When I return, he is back on the blanket, safe, sound and informs me that if he’s going to do anymore puppy play on hardwood floors… he wants knee pads.

I unwrapped his hands quickly and as we laughed and wound up the 24 ft of sticky bandage, I decide to redirect and do some evil, wicked CBT instead. That, he had no trouble with.

Sinners and Losers and Lazy Day Blues'ers

i woke this lovely, rainy friday. a day made for lying in bed and having the slave bring you a cup of tea then diving into a good book. nonetheless i pulled on my robe and came into the office to check the email and confirmations of the days appointments. both sessions reshceduled. one i believe, the other i dont. i worked on 2 projects, researched 2 more and made a few appts for next week.
even when not a soul walks through the door... darkness lifts its hazy veil and reigns perversion on my life through this blessed window .
checking collarme... i had the usual plethora of pleas and "can we chats" yet there were two that i feel obligated to share.

the first... a gentleman asked if i would be interested in using his balls for target practice with a bb gun. **mentioning it to 2 local masochists.. they were up for the task as well. so this will be something i'll do in the near future. an air soft gun, which i already have will do the job nicely.**

the second.... a gentleman asked if i would slice the head of his cock so it could be finger fucked... just when i think im a sick twisted freak...

i sent the niteflirt link to discuss such with them... but they have yet to call.
i dont hold my breath.