wasted words

people are going to disappoint you. hurt you, steal a little of your spirit.
even in my vast efforts to control! i find repeated disappointment in others.
why dont people do what they say theyre going to?
i try to be impeccable with my words when spouting off definite plans. if i cant follow through i generally offer an explanation of why i wasnt able to carry out my word.
i quote tony montana..."all i got is my balls and my word"
i try to be a man of my word.
does anyone keep their word anymore?
or is everything part of the bullshit matrix?

tootie passed

less than 2 months since i left her, tootie passed.
she just turned 88 last week.
RIP ofelia ann schuck

push and pull

ah the day before thanksgiving.
the crizzle is abuzz. i try to stay completely clear of main street. the shopping mecca that is downtown walnut creek is busting at the seams with shoppers and the ice skating in civic park. i loathe everything that holidays represent these days, save the feast with family/friends. to me dealing with the aggravation of traffic outweighs doing things in the city. period.  its almost ridiculous.i guess i'm old.
i am thankful to have love, laughter and happiness in my life.
the sex isnt bad either ! nyaii... did i say that out loud?
all the best
xo ~x

listen to the melody cause my love is in there hiding someplace........LR

one note from a song she wrote could fuck me where i lay

"i open this mouth wide, eat your heart"

warning: oprah

grunt and groan you pig bastards.
its the final season of the oprah winfrey show.
 i remember 1985... the chubby black girl that did a local morning show called... am chicago. in those days i was a new mom and viewing was limited. i had no idea...
at work my client keeps it parked on channel 7 and everyday at 4pm.... theres oprah. i watched some over the years... now i watch religiously to see what she does next.
 this is a woman who gets things done. fuck it... shes got my vote if she wants to run. shes got more money than some countries and i think oprah is the shit! i dont eat up all the sappy shit but the woman is a force to be reckoned with.
you can say "she has to give away money" no she doesnt. she gets things fucking done. and the older i get, the more i appreciate that. ive been a lazy self indulgent underachieving pervert my entire life.
these days, i mean what i say and say what i mean. i also do what i say i'm gonna do. !so should you!
anyway... cheers to oprah. i think shes just lovely.

i refused the love and let it die

im off course and drifting
direction unknown...
i feel like i need a destination.
i need a direction
the journey is the gig and i get that
i just want to know where to point the compass.
i have some decisions to make and hearts to break.
enjoy the video whilst i redirect.

gimme danger

i am still awestruck daily by the sheer beauty of the california landscape. my life has no lack of inspiration. it's all around me. speaking to me from the endless sky; in the comedy of the human experience. my experiences. gold. debauchery embraced, intensity level 8, when i lived to offend...
point is. i've no lack of things to write about. problem is... i dont. write that is.
why? im not sure. i blog so that i write. writing anything is good. but then it becomes a time thing. which is total bullshit. i sure make time for sex... things i really want to do, i make time for.
why is it so hard for me to be still? to close the door and write. something that i love to do.
ive said for years that work saps my creativity. and i see the decline in my blog posts.
and ive this burning desire to spill out some lovely, cruel stories before i forget them.
id welcome any suggestions. i used to love to drink and write. more excuses i guess.
i know i just have to close the door. but this is hard when your time is spent 2 places.
sigh. when all else fails.......f e a r ~ fuck everyting and run

one sides ice and one is fire...

the days just fly by. i cant believe its november. blink twice and it will be christmas. and new years. sigh
have felt rushed in mind and body and i feel such an urgency that i simply cannot relax. so much to take care of that although i'm constantly doing, it feels like nothing gets done. perhaps thats just day to day life in the real world (as opposed to the underground one i lived for so long)

its good to be home but...

long flight, lots of walking, rude fucks all trying to get home.

my lovely daughter picked me up and once home said "sorry... its really messy" before she turned on the light. 

surprise...all clean! ahhh thats so refreshing after travel to come home to a tidy place... 

i work today and tomorrow and a friend comes in from chicago fri before i get off work! argh!

fri til sun. it'll be short sweet and hurried im sure, trying to see what the bay area has to behold in 36 hrs. i'm tired. looks like it will be a few more days before theres any real rest. ouch!

i'm on the flirt, call me.

emos and homos and perverts. oh my!

i arrived in new orleans at 4p on halloween. checked in to the hotel and stepped out into the street with m~.

we were hungry and headed for bourbon street to eat. with the saints playing just blocks away, saints fever was at full throttle, and it was still daylight. once in the quarter, i knew it immediately by the stench. body odor, vomit and lots of alcoholic garbage. there were lots of people walking around in costume, lots of saint fans in hats and jerseys. we found Oceanas restaurant and had a great meal, then slipped back into the street with m~ lugging the rest of my blackened duck and pecan pie.

we walked for awhile, stopped in a couple of shops. and then...along came a parade! it was short but colorful and fun with lots of bead throwing by scantily clad women and prancing of countless men in drag!

when the parade ended... there they were. the fear god people. holding this sign!

notice the catergories, punks, emos and good people are going to hell. out of the 33 categories listed, i'm

 proud to say that at one time i have been in 23 of them. now i'm just an athiest, pervert sinner that's good people! the best part is that jesus was standin next to the guy holding this sign....

so i followed jesus down bourbon street...

we ended up back at the hotel pretty early, but happy and tired and satisfied.

then this morning, i heard that 3 people were killed on bourbon street last night.

again my timing was impeccable. they said the amount of people last night on bourbon was only exceeded by mardi gras. well no shit. lol