im completely frustrated with work.
i lay down a schedule or tell her NOT to do something
and am completely ignored.
this is not  job where i need to be frustrated.
i need a team behind me. listening to me.
she is no longer invested. in essence... she doesnt give a fuck!
something has to change for me to stay here.

i wanna hear you say "i remember you"

england 2001

"i think about a lonely, real world....'

i was not ready for the fall

so far away

anothher weekend
my love. so far away.
could i be more lonely

you want it, you take it, you pay the price

warp factors

warp factor is something wood used to say. a hundred yrs ago.
he used it to describe how fast he could drive his chopper on the illinois freeway.
i remember 102, but dont know if that was with, or without; me riding bitch. which i loved, before i became pregnant. after, all i could think of was, "noooo. im someones mom. i cant scream down the highway at 100 mph, thats dangerous!"
now im an adventurous spirit, no question. but damn, im old.
today i feel like im screamin through the universe 100 miles a second again. so much to do, look at, touch, see, finger or mind fuck.
im busy with boundless energy.
what have they done with sandra?

 heres a blast from beyond the domina xandra grave.... circa 2004

"when your fears become your god...."

ive settled into 2012 with ease.
right now im trying to break an alleged addiction to grain.
of all fucking things.
the song of my life today is.......... marvin gaye - got to give it up

i am immersed in all things serious.
i hate feeling like i should be grown. and responsible;
which is something ive never been.
i hate getting fucking old.

my heart aches right now
"...the path i'll never tread..."
nuff said.


post #300!!!

"all pale and misty"

its only the 4th and already im feelin those january blues.
i think more than anything its just a let down when all the anticipation of the holidays is over. xmas is such a bitch. its this massive preparation for which, inevitably, youre never really quite ready for. it never goesw over as well as you planned and is often disappointing. no new red bicycles. no shiny leather corsets.
time is such a thief.

i began the 100 days of dance, but all but the first day have been lackluster. i begin anew tomorrow.
i so need some inspiration.
something to look forward to.

here i am baby

just like starting over

2012
who would have imagined, certainly not me. the number was sci fi.
i wonder if this is even the same world i greew up in.
its as if i was catapulted to another planet back in the 90s somewhere.
its foggy...... see?!

last year was good. perhaps my best ever.
i think i can do better.
im grateful to be here.
there were times this year i thought i might not see another year.
welcome 2012... you ol crazy!
lets move our ass and have some fun!