ya ol dumb

you couldve been a hero,
made dreams come true.
i thought of you
but thats what you did too.

"black pools in those eyes of hers made more sense to me"

i should be sleeping.
i cant.
it feels wrong to lie down so early.
i sure felt good after getting a good nights rest
so its surely something in my life that needs restructuring.

i'm pissy.
i got a bill from the pcip insurance this eve.
428.00 for jan. due dec 15th.
and btw since you turn 50 in december,
that raises your premium 82.00
awesome thanks.
i hate giving up the ass like that.
bend over bitch.
evil

other than that,
im glad to be here another day. ass fucked or not.
amazed at the starry sky tonight.
delighted with how the day turned out...
all projects begun are finished.
good day
good night

shit ton of pics coming tomorrow.

in and out just like a robbery

so much happening and on the horizon.
move groove and make some noise i am.
(and when i cant... she does it for me.)
next week zac coming.
big five oh about to spank my ass.
im excited.
then christmas and new years and smathys bday and then..................
i can relax .
truly. i have two major events. my 50 th and my death.
they hang over my head as nothing ever has.
and
i have expectations for both.
but at my core what truly haunts me is finding a love to fuel me
to live another 20 years.
im sure ive survived this long (against my best efforts)
on sheer spite.
trying to shake the recurring family curse of "you wont live to see____.
fill in the blank. the first i heard was 15 i believe.
keep this up and you wont live to see 15.
my sister told me years after that when i ws 25 she wouldnt have given a nickel for my life.

stupid little girls

recently ive had a couple of emails on collarme from young, blonde, attractive, 24yo females from ohio.
i find it curious tht any such female would be too busy answering the barrage of email of her own without finding time to seek out and insult an older, fat chick.

dont think i dont know its you!!
judgemental child.
didnt your daddy hug you enough?
no one cares what you dont like.
do you really have nothing better to do than lurk me out and insult me?
seriously?
havent you gotten in trouble for this before? hmmm?

its been awhile.

been so busy lately.
i give til im dry.
i need to replenish my juices
cause im runnin on fumes.
i need a steak and a good fuck.

"no connections
come here
will you die for me
eat me
this way
the end." excerpt from a poem by jim morrison

humped, jumped, born to suffer

drawing, writing, photographing or editing. trying to do something creative everyday.

here is my favorite face to photograph... shes always available!

fresh out of the shower, naked and still damp.

no bells or whistles and NO makeup.

i find people quite difficult to capture with a camera.

working on a bad georgia okeefe knockoff in pastel.

i want color!

i just need to find a medium that gets the result i want, even if its mixed.

but i feel an urgency.

its all preparation though... isnt it?

the sharp knife of a short life

apparently this song has been out for a year but, i just heard it.

just throw money

its no lie ive had an interesting ride. it would shock some and disgust others. but i arrived here, today, an honest woman, open-minded, nurturing and compassionate, loving and forgiving to my detriment at times. i made some odd choices, fell on my ass alot. but i believe everything ive been and done, makes me who i am. the world hasnt been a very gentle place, but its made me a gentle person. and i love who i am.

delta lady

the delta is spoken of often in memphis. everyone knows the mississipi delta and that its blues rich and robert johnson sold his soul to the devil at the crossroads in greenwood. its not far from clarksdale.
its true ive been obsessed with leon russell for about a year and a half.
delta lady.
ive listened to it and watched the leon and friends vid dozens of times and hearing him say..."fertile delta" a few weeks ago got my curiosity to so i looked up "delta" according to answers.com
(dĕl'tə)
n. The fourth letter of the Greek alphabet. An object shaped like a triangle. A usually triangular alluvial deposit at the mouth of a river.
which immediately makes me think of ............the luscious triangle atop a womans thighs.



gonna tell all the world that hes talking about .... pussy.

blood in blood out

if he thought for one second we didnt miss him every single day... all that was laid to rest quickly.
he will never know how it hurt, how it ached every moment i wasnt with him. how i regret thin king someone was better for him than me. how i died a little everyday in those years we were apart. how she hurt, and blamed herself for all of it.
the madness is over
hes my son again.

and i cause nothing but trouble....

all that was there... will be there still

baaa

do people need to believe in fairy tales....

such as...

they're in a better place.
i know i'll see them again.
and i just think....
are you stupid?
did you question?
do some research?
or did you baaaa
like a sheep and take what they gave you.

i spit that shit out.
back in their face.
dr you and reverend who
heres a big fat cock for you!

hello november

october came and went.... quickly.
the year has literally whipped past...
halloweens madness has turned instantly
to thoughts of holidays and family
and the rapidly approaching big five oh!
company coming this weekend and the next.
zac coming the first week of december.
busier and busier!
halloween week was crazy busy but alot of fun.
sjs costume turned out great.

and faye was a real sport for letting me wrap her in tissue!