seasons of wither

again i am battling change fiercely
hating that i must swallow the newness being shoved down my ruby throat
surrender myself to the fact that change is inevitable
and as much as i hate sifting through a sea of shit to find one noble servant...
i must.
vital parts of me exist through domination.
without them... i will surely wither this fall.

fuck you

dont think i dont know about you.
i know you watch.
a little too closely.
she'd die if she knew.
another toothpick......
you piece of shit bitch
dont think i dont know that the fetish is control...
of the leather,
finding it
buying it
cinching, zipping, lacing it,
the tightness of it,
smoothed to perfection
over the skin.
ha. you KNOW i'm talkin about you now.
i dont regret you.
didnt need you
fuckin idiot....
theres one born every minute!

youve gotta learn to live with what ya cant rise above...

random shots f rom san francisco and berkeley spetembers end 2011

better than here

if i werent so sad
i'd be so happy
if i could do it all over again
i would
if there was somewhere better than here
i would run
hard and fast
but i'd wait for dark
i prefer moonlight to the blazing sun

everywhere

mid september.
my the days fly
i stand still
and watch the world scream by.
dizzy merry go round
i feel sad and powerless to stop the locomotive moving in my little family's direction.
the only thing i know to do
is to leave little traces of myself here and there.
a note, a letter, a drawing. blog or photgraph.
look around.

i'll be everywhere.

beautiful black calla lily

the seriousness of your condition

another wince another try
another trip to the er.
another iv.
another varicie.
another bleed,
oh yes indeed,
another doctor warning me...
as to the seriousness of my condition.
another worry
scream and cry
another tear drops from my eye
another day
im gone away
for good