i wait

So many facets to training someone well.

So many things you want them to learn, to feel. To know. 

Hunger. Control. Obedience, Devotion.
sacrifice, pain, elation, love and pure dark lust
i need to set you ablaze with a mainline injection.
before you experience the freedom in my control...
you must surrender.
i wait.

way back

pulled this deep out of the xandra vault.

rain and milk

the sky was grey all day today.
the temp was a beautiful 68 with little sun penetrating the clouds.
the night felt magical
so i did a rain dance.
and tonight, it rained. light rain mind you and still 60 degrees.
and of course, i danced in it. thank you!
i love my 50's
i love that ive stopped fighting myself every step
there is such happiness in my life right. such abundance.


i am a little obsessed with being naked outside. privately.
especially my breasts.
i was a flasher from the get go but grew out of that years ago.
though i enjoy having my breasts out of my top,
or out of my bra, just under my blouse,
or out... of a corset, nipples pulled out of my bra, hanging or bouncing, .
mostly...i want them sucked. as much as possible.
i need to lactate and nourish,
i need to feed and smother.
it takes alot of sucking to keep milk.

get busy living.

the days fly by.
so much i want to see,
 to write and to draw
to paint,
 to hear, to taste,
 to feel and to do.

no urgent urgency
just missions.
projects.

love.
for me
for you.
 for every drop
 of this delicious madness
   called existence.

janvier

happy new year! 2014. wow.
i worked through the holidays.
faye has had a decline and communication isnt what it was.
she mentions her mind being messed up almost daily.
its a fight to keep her out of bed in the daytime.
i suspect it is just because shes tired. shes 89 for fucks sake but,
it could be that she just doesnt want to do the wretched things i make her do...
like exercise, work puzzles, paint or walk.
every day a new adventure. right?

ive been painting more. because i enjoy it
and becuase its an excuse not to write.
but im feeling pulled...

im unhappy in my current "its complicated" relationship.
its bringing me down more than up.

i made a few resolutions.
i will share 2.
watchig carefully my sodium intake. and put my happiness before anyone elses. anyone.