a call to denise courson

denise,
i just wanted to catch up one last time with this elusive redhead. so denice elese courson.... please contact me if this finds you. its peanut darlin. email me at sandratierce@yahoo.com

toxicity; really!

so i've thrown the word toxic around for years. especially in my reference to certain people. my mother comes to mind. sorry jo! but the last week i got a line on what real toxicity means. holy shit.
i was scare when i started to nod and drool. then my hands wouldn't work right. i couldn't send a text or even hold the phone without jerking my hand and throwing it. so i put it down. i kept working but knew better than to drive. there was no where we had to be so.... good enough. but whats worst. i thought i was losing my mind and it was permanent.
thankfully... to the good people at john muir walnut creek.... im better,
my hands are only mildly jerky. but im making sense and the weight loss has begun. somehow in the last 3 weeks i ve lost 24 lbs. about time that cancer started to work.
i will not lose my mind again!!
fuck that!
i dont want to be the mistress who went mad. there already was one. i think her name was ann bowles.
so why then, do i crave to watch dick shawn scenes in "its a mad mad mad mad mad mad world on loop, in all ttheir tremedous black and white glory? why i must be bloody mad. here here!

September on a roll

Single girl seating in a restaurant and I don't even care, I feel so wretched.

I'm having no luck painting. I want to cry. 

Netflix marathon and copious amounts of cannabis. Life is so cliche. 

Peter griffin

I'm restless. I want to buy a pack of cigarettes, find the sleaziest bar, drink myself so blind I go home with a young Sebastian Bach and wake up with peter griffin from family guy. 

good day

once i let go of all the docs calling, and refused to let it jam me up, i realized i felt quite good.

did about 7 mins of yoga ( not to mention getting up and down, which was a feat) which is more than i was able to do last tie when i couldnt even lie on the mat. it felt good. think im ready to go get back on the stationary bike at the gym. joy!
i fonally feel free of the residuals of chemo.
naasty stuff. worse than cancer.
im thinking realistically about my particular circumstances.
no decisions.
just that i want to feel good!
enjoy life
and food and sex and social settings.
thanks for more!

It's back

It's taken me a few weeks for the news to fully settle in. It was only the markers up before but, the cancer has officially returned. 

Samantha wants me to do chemo again but, it started to grow back after 2 months last time. It just isn't worth the trade off. 

I prefer to ride it til the wheels fall off. 

A memphis thang

Pics from my recent trip back home. And what a trip it was. I had a blast with Old friends I hadn't seen in close to 40 years and my darling zed. Saw my dear friend Blood and met his and Zeds lovely ladies. 

I had strange encounters with animals and was bitten by this lovely horse, Sonny. Not to be confused with Sunny. 

Let's go! Times a wastin. I can't wait to see these crazy girls out here! Come to California girls! 

They'll never take 'Me' alive!

Another trip to get patched up. Clearly still fascinated w blood.

Pressure wrap on the bleeder. I made them take it off because I looked like a suicide patient. It was from trying to start an iv, my veins blew immediately.

I'm always on the renal unit. They have the remote or basic human necessity. Lol

what happened.

why i quit posting in my blog. one reason.
i explain because ive eluded to the fact that i didnt want to give out info. but the truth is, there is only one person who doesnt deserve to know what or how i am doing. the rest of you, i give a rats fuck.
the one is michael fucking udell. i dont wish you ill. i have nothing. not a single word that i write is for you.
enjoy trying to get me out of your head for the next 35 years.
 stay away.

Fresh idea

Stars seemed so one dimensional painting. So I thought about stats and finally came up w an idea ive 2 galaxy paintings on canvas this weekend w the new idea. New level of stars!! It doesnt capture well but  i am elated w the results . 

E for effort

I've been running around on my days off to get errands done. I tried all day to get out and do something. I'm out. But the simple truth is I feel like crap. Fuck this. I'm going home to paint.