lust

i miss holding it in the palm of my hand.
mine to mask, devour or destroy.
merciless cries from the edge,
moans of a soul torn by service and self.
this moment hangs in the balance of my desire.
spend some time under my darkened lust.

santa cruz

drove down to santa cruz with the fave yesterday. cute little place. hella crowded, parking is insane. but a yummy feel and you can see why all kinds of people flock there.
ate at a place called acapulco. i had a skirt steak. been 25 years since id seen one on a menu. it was just as good as i remember.

i took a few pics. most didnt turn out. using a cell camera that i cant see in the sunlight.



here are the images from last weeks journey up north. we stopped at a nursery to look around and i fell in love with dahlias all over again.

jus sayin...

people with questions "about" me... should pose them "to" me.

the zacman cometh

for years i have wished that he would want to know us. so 8 years worth of tears, wishes and psychotic, razor~wielding, butterflies on acid are welling inside of me. sj and i were already prepared to purchase a ticket. on 7-9 he lands at sfo. it was may 2002 when we were last all together.
once again... i cant wait to see what happens next.

fathers day

since my dads have passed on, this day is a little sad. so in loving memory of jimmy crain and larry geeslin... happy fathers day. i love and miss you still.

nyc

samantha and i just decided on our next trip.
business will be taking her to the big apple in august and shes asked moi to accompany her. *squeals* so much work to do, so much money to make!
i am so excited i cant sleep. just the though drives me a little over the edge. sj and i loose in ny. of course i will have a nyc fan show me round while sjs tied up.
suggestions? aside from the obvious. she has a few ideas.. i want to see times square and the visit the guggenheim. (off the top of my head) and i think, ellis island.... oh yea. the chelsea is a must!
agrhrhee! i cant stand it. ill be on cam often in the next few months. lucky you!

i dont love summer

i know it isnt summer yet, but when i feel a cool breeze i think... soon. soon it will be fall.
argh! i do not love the heat of the sun, i dont want a tan. but to live life completely. you must deal with the sun. i wish more things could be done by the light of the moon. i wish i didnt gripe so much. some might say i am never satisfied. i say fuck em. im old and ive earned the right to complain a few days each month. (wink wink)
it seems that i have less time now that i dont work as often. more demands on my time perhaps. tonight i look forward to running out at 6 to get a desk and scammering back to my room to cam til midnight! hope to see you there.

weight loss

i have had several people ask how i lost the weight.
simply.... i moved my ass. i started when i was confined and could only walk with tootie. shes 87 and gets around pretty well but, walking with her is not stepping it up. so i bought some used workout dvds off amazon and started doing them. then i started to dance in the kitchen. my daughter bought me an ipod for christmas and thats when i kicked into high gear. it has a pedometer... among its other spiffy qualities.
when sj would come over in the evenings and when i did go walk, i noticed i could step livlier depending on what song was playing. so added lots of disco and dance to my ipod and... i move my ass.
i have made some changes in the way i eat. no salt, no liquor and i eat lots of fresh produce at home. even take it with me out so i have a healthy snack. i am seldom without an orange in my purse. the good feeling perpetuates itself.
i move my ass daily but i spend 2-3 hrs 4 days a week moving, walking, dancing, and now a little swimmming. just got a season pass to waterworld and altho its not lots of swimming, there is lots of walking and stairs involved. i have found a local hiking group and i hope to be ready to hike with them in the fall.

i climbed this bitch today!

speechless........

johnny cash covering NIN. hurt, haunting.


rosanne cash said that when she saw it, she didnt like it and told him it looked like he was saying goodbye. he said "i am." i think its sad and lovely and stirring.