rape me again

just days til the break i desperately need.
anxious
pacing
fuuuuuuuck
where ya goin?wheres everybody goin?
sfo, ord, gmc, pcp, fku

im ready to fight for the big piece of chicken!

dear mama

somedays it seems so odd to me how people love and protect their mothers. by the time i was 6 or 7, i realized my mother felt no connection to me. so i have never really felt one to her. makes me a stranger in  strange land. i see it more everyday.
t times i want to ask her things (although i know she wouldnt respond)
when did you realize you odidnt like me? was it before i was born? the moment i was born?
do all these puzzle pieces mean i am insane..............? or you are?
i understand wanting to get rid of an accident. i get it but....did you really want to kill me?
did you really try?
at 6 weeks and 18 mos. ?
your mother must have really loved you, enough to do anything for you.
i would do anything! for my kids.
but ive never had the solid ground foundation that most do....

"i could feel hot flames of fire roaring at my back..."

what an insane week its been.
we have dealt with more psychopaths... its a blur....
the high spots.....
my baby had her life threatened at her back dooor. took the police 30 mins after arriving to reach her. (5 crzy bitches with too much of nothing to say.)
ever know someone tht the longer you know them, you think someone dropped them on their head?
fucking cornbeard.
besides being stupid, hes a dick.  every expression, every gesture, is to get a reaction out of you.,  he doesnt understnd why shes upset. ? ok
the police are scared for her. these bitches are crazy. now lucipher is in kitty protection nd someone has to wlk sj from her car to the house, because they want to kill her.... why?
insane ghetto shit in freakin wlnut creek.?
time to move.
crazy bitches, crazy roomate and dick all hurt her this week.
if people dont stop fucking with my baby, im gonna go on 3 state spree

to me... a total psycho in disguise was revealed or my best friend died and its only worth mentioning because it was the beginning of this....................................

goodnight... im dreaming big dreams

is it any wonder

forsaken

hve i abandoned you? not entirely.

my life hs been through mega tear down phase for 10 years.
i m about to surface,
im busy s fuck.
work is very difficult right now and....
theres you.
i dont wnt to give you anything
nothing to speculate or pick apart
in mking sure you get nothing, ive given attention to you.
cunt
fuck you gently...
with a chainsaw!

never saw a woman, so alone.

so little time these dys.
this fucking keyboard dropping a's mkes it frustrating as fuck to write.
i hve infinite ideas in my head for painting, sketching, pastels, photogrphy and words... respectively,
(such a mixed media kind of girl)
and not an ounce of fucking focus.
i guess thats not entirely true.
i am working 74% of the time.
it isnt easy thinking for 2 people.
im in a rut. restless.
itchy feet.
ill take a nice long walk tomorrow.
see things from  different perspective.
i need something, moving.

who what where?

im angry and i dont want you to know why
i miss drinking. sometimes it feels like ive lost me best mate.
that glass caught every tear.