counting down...

i am hella excited to have a scrummy new collarme profile, with a new ad for a new year and a brand new adventure! i have met more people off collarme since 05 than off yahoo, so i feel confident i can have a servant or 2 in my new area pretty quickly. men are such whores!

im so excited to be moving into a brand new area and cant wait to explore it.
truth is, whether i find someone or not, im ready to jump in the car myself and drive to fresno, where i know jan (sub f 49) will be deeelighted to show me round wherever i desire! shouldve done that already. totally my fault.(herein i believe i will have a set amount of time i give anyone to get it together)
ahhh. im so ready for change and for the new year and the new job.... and oh whats to come.
life is young and im so beautiful...i cant wait to see what happens next.

this time... will be the last time

 i love the week between xmas and new years. i like to clean out the old and get ready for a bright and shiny new year. 1~1~11... what a trip.
 for the most part i am excited about whats next. starting to move some things to clayton today. which also means i can get rid of some crap while im at it.
after spending the last week cleaning out one womans treasures, saved for so long they were basically rubbish; i dont want any excess baggage.

i learned something in the past couple of years that only dawned on me recently...i will share that now.
when someone tells you you deserve better than them, believe it.
in my experience it means they are unwilling to attempt to try.
hey... thanks for letting me know youre a dick!

rain

i had a love affair with the rain. it began when i moved back to memphis after a stretch in emeryville.
i missed the vicious thunderstroms from my youth that sent off sirens and my dads heart rate. he'd pile us kids into the hallway with lots of pillows.
 i do enjoy things that are dangerous and powerful. ive seen thunderstorms in memphis uproot 200 year old trees, knock out power all over the city and blow the roof off a mall, yet they dont scare me.
i dont love the rain as of late, likely because im driving in it once again. i love to dance in the rain but i hate commuting in the shit.

from dec 22

merry christmas

since for us its about the food and since shed had everything she wanted on thanksgiving, sj and i had a themed christmas. feliz navidad, so we had a christmas eve feast of mexican food. i had found all new recipes and with the friends wed invited it went easy and was quite delish. i got great gifts from sj and got her a few as well.
yet it was clouded by the wondering about my job and another nasty little trinket delivered by a friend.
glad the holidays are over.
moving on...

today it looks as tho my patient will be coming home soon. job, secured. so i will be moving to clayton in the next week. theres a lovely spot all ready for me. i cant wait!

did they get you to trade, your heroes for ghosts?

what a roller coaster. endings, new beginnings.
killer opportunites and mishaps.
and the sandraness just shines through.

do you ever want to grab a friend and say... youre making a huge mistake because youre scared.
 i know. im scared too. i used to be crippled by fear. no more!!

from dec 21

the big five oh

i have an almost gay like obsessesion with turning 50. not since my 21st, has my birthday been so important to me. 50 is a year away and i have a year long plan in motion to make sure i slide into 50 as gracefully as possible; fully clothed and in my almost right mind. not in my craziest, leather drenched daydream... did i contemplate seeing 50, until a year ago.
yet i still feel like a girl.
so much has changed in the last 2 years and i have a much clearer understanding of myself now, than i did in the socially distorted years of prodomination. i wouldnt trade that time for anything and i will always be a domme but, the fat lady has sung. (be warned shes still in the building)

play me leon

just so you know im not over my obsession with leon russell.
i bet the keys love his fingers!




from dec 8, 12:59 am

i would find a way

i hate getting paid once a month. really? and niteflirt is so dodgy these days.
at the time i was moving away from professional domination and into the big facade, niteflirt went down for routine maintenence. what a fucking mess.
it was a week before i could take calls. pay mail didnt work. i cant imagine how much money THEY lost. i have girlfriends that are strictly phone who counted on those daily deposits that literally disappeared. i didnt rely as much on nf as i always preferred live domination. but it still took a bite out of my income, it had seen me from anchorage back to the bay area. i still cant get international calls unless they know to pipe through skype, so i lost 4 regular callers. sweden, england, australia... skype!

they shut down the walnut creek gym because everything in the crizzle must be creekified! so no cardio on the way home from work for the whole month of december. remodeling. jobs for some, inconvenience for others. we bitch we moan. and the band plays on...

drafts

i have half a dozen drafts from november and december that have not posted. some are unfinished.
i will try to catch up the next few days. im working full time over the next 2 weeks and id like them all posted before 1-1-11.

this aint no wow no more

found this draft from dec 4... silly stuff, who knows what i was thinking... ;)


 disillusioned ... but not.

how could anyone create in the matrix
the shackles are relentlessly cold
people are cookie-cutter plastic
with scary white teeth
but they look fantastic.
i cut one today
his blood was gel.
it isnt a hit, it faltered then fell
also rubies and emeralds
have their place in hell.



guess who got a new camera!