Ends

New Year's Eve. I wasn't sure I'd see this one. Back at work but feeling like shit. 

I feel like all I did this year was fight. Cancer, depression, fluid, love. 

The Cancer is in remission but the cirrhosis remains. It hurts. I'm tired of it. 

2015. I hope we all get what we want. What we dream of and what we deserve. 

Goodbye 2014. Good riddance. 

In my hands

I'm in the worst funk. I feel sluggish because I have to sit around w my feet up when I'm not working. I'm holding an extra 10 pounds of fluid. Shoes. Shoes are a problem. I loathe flip flops because the offer no support; like a boot, per se. 

Mentally I'm spent from all this and just ready to be out of pain. 

I came back to work too quickly, in haste, just to be home again. 

My libido is back but I'm single and don't feel good enough to meet anyone new.

The CANCER is gone but I feel worse than I did before I got it. 

My only reprieve, it's all in my hands and I  can stop the suffering when I'm ready. 

calm before the storm

cant sleep. trying to enjoy the winds whilst they are warm and dry. it is presently 507am thursday. and i am off.
and as only californians would call it... hellastorm is on it way and looks to be severe.winds, waves, inches upon inches of rain, mudslides, power outages from fallen trees and.... urban flooding,
it had to be coming, we had 3 years with precious little rain.
tried to paint. unhappy with the results and detest practicing.
i want to make the most of every gesture, every breath.
i want to attain as much information as i can while im here.
consider me on a mission to observe what its like to be a human in 2014/15 on this planet.

i just adore research.
human sexulaity and the variables of , fascinates me continuously.

Up all night

Black Friday...

I tried to stay away from it all and found some treasures...

The Mac

I thought they played tight as hell. Looked great, sounded great. All I could get was lighting, which was stunning, soni did.

We got to our seats like 0 minutes early and it was black and i capfuls hear mgs feet I. That bass drum . We go there just in time for "the chain. Samantha was grinning ear to ear and I got to see my woman crush in boots,,,,,, stevie nicks. 

Happy birthday to me.  

The lighting wa stunning and all I could really capture.