im sandra & im a recovering dominatrix

i recently joined a free dating site. i gave my name and got busted out by a couple guys with a "no thanks". it didnt matter that i was thoughtful, intelligent or attractive, witty and an all around cupcake.

ive always had the two identities. domina and sandra. im used to revealing domina in my time. i judge no one and dont want to be judged. its no ones business until im ready for it to be.

in 2006 i made inquiries about joining a religious order in an attempt to leave professional domination. i was told no by the bony finger of god, better known as the catholic church (and the house that hides pedophiles) ..i became an ordained minister (15 bucks and so can you) and set out on another 3 years of blasphemous debauchery.

truth is... i tend to steer towards things that are alternative or edgy and inevitably, will tarnish me forever with one stigma or another.
xoxo x

mad erratic

the weather is a trip. sun, wind and rain; one right after the other and repeating in various sequences. mad erratic, like memphis. the temperature is sublime; perfect thunderstorm weather in the south. nature is a beautiful bitch with a vicious temper.
rain always makes me pensive.

no shit

It was in the winter of my fiftieth year
When it hit me
I was really alone
And there wasnt a hell a lot of time left
Every laugh and touch that I could get
Became more important
Strangely, I became more bookish
And my home and study meant more to me
As I considered the circumstances of my death
I wanted to find a balance between joy and dignity
On my way out
Above all, I didnt want to take any more shit
Not from anybody ~ iggy pop

pc torture and my big dick

jeez! i'm back. i hardly skipped a beat. i did stress, freak out, but did not cry when i got a nasty virus on my laptop. GRRR... which i wont dignify with a name. it slipped past avg and i clicked it. i know. it looked amazingly like a windows security alert.

so i wrestled sleep all night after talking to dell and reading that this was a nasty bastard. i made 2 calls to techs i know in memphis; no joy. made more calls locally and eventually just pulled out the book. its fixed. i did have to restore to factory settings. but hey. ni did it myself and i know there was no other option. the virus had disabled the start menu. basically it was fucked and i start over. im sure there will be things i cringe about losing (scene photos) but then... i'm all about starting over, completely.

and i didnt have to pay geek squad 2 bills. my dick is so big right now!

kids!

walking with tootiemy daughters child; aptly named lucipher

sunday in civic park

last sunday, for the first time, i got to drive out on my 2 hr break. i went to civic park downtown to walk. it was filled with kids on the playground, moms gabbing over empty strollers and dads milling about, intently doing something with their phones.
there were folk dancers and picnics and a crystal fair...which i steered clear of.
i walked. i saw a rose garden and this drew my eye. so here are a couple of pics... one of which, i believe to be "the creek"
xoxo x

you aint seen bouncin back

a matter that i have been patient about for many years is finally beginning to pay off. and i continue to bulldoze down walls that i had built around myself. im amazed at what i have accomplished in the last 7 months. i'm no longer socially distorted. i feel like part of the world again.
some random images from last week.

sniffle sniffle

ive been a whiny bitch all day, maybe all week. i am so hormonal i reek and ahhh.. to hell with it. heres some pics from last week and a pic of "ofelia", the car that gives me panic attacks but ultimately... keeps me safe.

aprils fool.

it is so great to be OUT in the world again. it was worth the hard work because
...i got a car! i did! i bought tooties old car. i am enjoying getting comortable behind the wheel again.the possibiliies are endless. i can't wait to see what happens next.

random images from last week

catch up pt 2

february found me not feeling quite right. i went to get checked out... and was admtted to the hospital. i was only there a few days but was really discouraged by not feeling well again.

i slowly began to feel better and began exercising again, which made me feel better still.
march 4th was my driver test, which i aced! here's samantha and tootie camped out waiting for me at the DMV. so now am i licensed california driver... look out! seriously, i'm like a gramma behind the wheel. it still feels abit awkward.


spring came overnight. and so did scott... to help with tootie 3 nights a week. no more 24/7.


which meantamong other things, i could go walk without tootie. and the weight started to drop again. there is newness everywhere. i'm waiting to spot a baby deer.