be yourself is all that you can do.....

took about 70 pics.deleted 64. got a few.

love this one. the original too.

cool summer nights

august is blasting by...
july was a blur.
ive definitely had some summer fun..
and a couple of burnt missions.
i feel like summer in the diablo valley hasnt come yet.
this means we'll be sweating into late october?... maybe?
but right now... its 80's. cool nights in the low 6o's.
my clock is so out of whack.
so i'm nesting... already.

stripped wallpaper. painting.

im thinking i need dark red curtains........... why?
ive no idea.

next time you see her

nic

i hope one day youll forgive me

for doing nothing

staying stuck

you were so young

i should have been an adult.

i am sorry for all the madness

i exposed you to.

i regret all the things i didn’t do.

the times i didn’t kiss you,

didn’t make love to you.

i wish i had hurt you on purpose,

instead of unintentionally.

i was such a fucked up mess.

so lost i couldn’t see.

i wish id gotten help sooner.

i did.

and its been 10 years since…..

i hope youre happy.

i hope you found someone

who deserves you and

will make sure

that you stay laughing.

always

from 7-19-11

this time im not leaving without you

the powers that be

i wish i could purge all the emotion at once
instead of it leaking
from eyes at every turn.
ive never been more of a prisoner of my thoughts
ripping and clawing to get free is futile.
it has me
this knowing
this obsession
only i get it.
it eats my guts
swirls my reality.
in essence...
i think too much.
i need only relax.
breathe.
i reel myself in
away from you.
i opened my life
like a book
let you all watch and read along
piece by piece
i shut it down
take it away
remove myself.
id like to be more focused
and less concentrated.

berkeley kite fest 11

graphic! beware!

e

bubble gum flavored sponge. yes, sponge

one of these in each arm. fml

my bloody urine compared to sjs.

this is why i called 911. was trying to convince myself i had eaten beets.

feeling better.

holy blithering batshit!

let me play catch up.....
janet came for the 4th of july which found us all over the bay area.. from twin peaks and chinatown to berkeley for fireworks and telegraph avenue for jewelry and people watching. down to the santa cruz boardwalk one evening and natural bridges beach for the big rock with the hole.

as i was supposed to return to work... in the early hours of the 11th became ill, so ill, i called 911 (first time ever) ive never seen that much blood in my life... heres just an idea.......... think beer pitcher of blood.
it was a gi bleed. they stopped the bleeding and then nothing by mouth for 72 hrs. 4 days in the hospital.
i was off a total of seven days............
then when the next weekend came, i headed to fresno. saw jan and her family and had a lovely dinner, swim and spent the night. i hauled it back for "family dinner sunday" with sj. i was exhausted.
the next weekend.... michael came in town... so we spent the weekend together at concord crowne plaza. lovely room, incredible deal. thanks hotwire! went to the berkeley kite fest also, so of course i have some pics. will post soon
i'm staying in town this weekend. low key, low spending.