the lies and the truth will be at our feet

every day... a little more changes.
the things i did with regularity before have become a struggle.
i cant produce that way.
recently ive received email alerts from niteflirt and facebook on gmail asking "where are you?"
im restructuring.... again.
it's not that i've changed.
but my life has.
i'm still a totally dominant woman and all around kinky broad.
i'm good.
i'm makin the best...
dont get me wrong.
i like what i do now. i'd just prefer not to do 24 hr shifts. but thats *why* i make the money.
but 12 years as a prodomme was good training for what i do now.....
you cant have another banana today. time to go potty. yes you have to brush your teeth.
i'm sorry you dont want to shower, but we cant let you be stinky girl.
see what i mean?
for now....

Your eyes are holy rollin', looking, beating, knocking.

center of the universe

you dont know me, i dont know you. i get it.
contrary to what you may have heard about me, i'm actually honest and genuine.
you accepted my add. youre unresponsive to anything i say to you for weeks and then...
other than the name becky... (which 102,953 others in the US have) why would you think that post was about you?

just breathe

it was a good weekend. pretty uneventful but just good.
i was able to unplug a bit. no computer for 48 hrs. i did look at sj's facebook on my phone 2x during that time but i did not update or tweet.
i took pictures and easter evening i got the unofficial criz tour in the jimozine. sweet!
everyone knows im obsessed with flowers and bugs. well i also have a mad lust for the night sky. i'm just learning about this camera. i'm sure i have no idea what all it will do.
rob got me a lovely gift, something i had been wanting. a 3X5 sketchpad. he also added some pencils and sharpener and other nifty stuff. id like to unplug more and do things that are more organic. sketching, taking pictures even. i wont give up the blog but the mouseclicks sure hinder the creativity. i am easily distracted and the internet is ............ well. you know.
after all the drama of the last week it was good to relax. so glad i opted to take sj to dinner rather than cook. i think it was cheaper too. we had a killer lobster dinner and then i went to her work with leftovers and dessert.
i feel much more relaxed this week. i think i have things sorted..... for the moment.
but that could change.... any second. (rattle rattle)

everything she wants

ive been thinking about what i do.
and what i dont do
what i feel i need and what i push down.
how i feel something is missing that i squelched long ago.
i think of my unrealized creativity.
of how i used bdsm as my form of expression and now that i dont make art of myself...
what am i doing?
i think of how wasting creative energy on bullshit is a slow death.

i have a project in mind. im not willing to say more yet.
im backing away from facebook and words with friends.
im terribly distracted. its causing problems.

the moon is hangin like your hat

i know the right thing to do.
but im just not ready.
i have a long time servant. michael. who has been with me through addiction, insanity, recovery, heartache, near death, triumph and getting me the fuck out of alaska. ive been able to lean on him since i bailed out of england.
the situation is volatile and someone will be hurt.
i just want the least amount of innocents hurt.

added 4-21 12:18pm
i also feel that its my duty as the dominant to protect.
and therefore to bare the brunt of the emotional pain.

out after dark

definitely feeling springtime.
i didnt get to fly a kite... yet.
i wanna play and stay out after dark
and tonight...
i will dance half naked under the full moon...
now if i could just find fireflies..

springtime in diablo valley

the world was movin. she was right there with it

finished my mission, finally. the oldest document i found was a check from 1952. it was interesting but damn it got old. elise and i are both sick of shredding dusty old documents!. i will add the 3rd pic tomorrow....

from this

to this

burnt mission: los angeles

sort of a last minute decision to go to la with sj to see kristen in rehab.
sounds like drama already right?
it was minimal really. sj had the worst bit i believe. poor lamb.
we did have fun laughing all the way down and back. so it wasnt a total burn.
we went to venice beach for lunch and took some pics along the way. i smoked way too much and got into some edible goodies as well.
i was glad to get back to work this week and will be happy to have a relaxing,  low key weekend. and i'm on a horrible budgie. so i will be cookibg and going to a movie and thats about it. dying to see the new "arthur" with russell brand.

 

over green meadows

 

48 miles out of bakersfield

hills for days

blow-up guitar man