everything she wants

ive been thinking about what i do.
and what i dont do
what i feel i need and what i push down.
how i feel something is missing that i squelched long ago.
i think of my unrealized creativity.
of how i used bdsm as my form of expression and now that i dont make art of myself...
what am i doing?
i think of how wasting creative energy on bullshit is a slow death.

i have a project in mind. im not willing to say more yet.
im backing away from facebook and words with friends.
im terribly distracted. its causing problems.