well, well

the agony of being in love

ive met someone.
we began chatting in 97.
off and on over the years.
distance, marriages, divorces.
we met in person last july.
we live 15 minutes apart.
he has a long time live in girlfriend.
i backed away. even though i was attracted.
but he kept on. and wore me down with his charm,
his genuine submission to me
and hes incredibly handsome.
he makes more time for me than any single guy ive met in california.
he makes me very happy...
and at times, the loneliest ive ever been.

Relief

Hearing it could be worse scared the fuck out of me.

But it sure made me grateful to find out it's "only" liver cancer.
And that T A C E can hold it at bay for years. 

Let's do this! 

Ishtar

You awake to find it was no nightmare.

The relentless pain is the reminder. 

You say thank you for opening your eyes to another day. 

You get up and move forward as if

Cover the circles that keep getting darker and seem deeper than just a few months ago. 

You can't believe how time is suspended and in fast forward alternately. 

Some moments hanging with you. Endless seconds on loop. 

Happy Ishtar. I colored eggs... prepared a feast.
Now I need sex and an artful flow from my brush. 

Complete. 

Saturday morning

I feel the ache in my heart. It rises in my throat. It grabs me and shakes me to my core

I want to scream. But no one would hear. 

I ache for the people that love me. 

No one should have to know death is coming. Itey to live each day as if time isn't an issue. But it is. 

Face

fixed!

the 75 year old neighbor stopped by.
you know when they give me that printout at kaiser, it always said "obese" and i thought, i'm gonna do something about that. so next time, i changed my height to 6'5 and that 2 extra inches, made me not obese anymore.