what?

so many times... i ran i ran and ran.
i ran alone from my childhood home.
i ran from boarding school
i ran from crazed lovers and bitter exes
i grabbed my kids and ran.
zac left and i grabbed samantha and ran further than ever.
ive run so fast and so far. and now.
theres no one with me.
not really. the kids and i are close but they have lives.
my lives are scattered.
faded memories of steamy moments trickling out into the universe
from the minds of all my perverse liasons.


im struggling with this secret thing.
this hidden thing.
on one hand i can see where my life just played out that way.
(no wonder my mother wanted to lock me up!!!
Aha!!(big neon flashing light)
god damn. why did this never occur to me before)
now where was i?

this didnt go anywhere near where i intended.

we wont

i can smell a storm comin. i swear.
i felt it. i predicted it in a text to sj.
when will i learn,
or have i.
because this time, i didnt run.
i refuse to let another bitch run me off.
i refuse.
avoiding conflict, bullshit and drama has always been a goal.
but also being a "weird magnet" makes this near impossible.

30 minutes to lift off

The stage is set. The fruit is ripe ready and begging to be picked. I'm going to do vile things to the boy who tries so hard.

Paycho bitches on Saturn

ive just realized the three women in my life are absolutely smack dab in the middle of saturn returns. 1st for sj. 2nd for B and the 3rd for faye!
holy shit.
and how odd is it that three main characters in my life are 30 years apart! L is 30 too
i love you bitches but DAMN!!

All 5 horizons...

Fresh canvas. goddamn!

brand new nooses

the past few days
my work and home have been ripped apart completely.
not by me
yet
rearranged into bins with taped labels.
schedules and menus thrown out? thank you!
i cut spiderwebs on one thing and strings on another.
my attachments are all fresh
part of the change.

and just when im so full of self reflection
i could puke
i am forced to look at myself again.

women
i do not trust.
period
i want to show you i can be trusted.
because i can.
because i mean what i say
try to keep my word.
because i know you wont.
because i know youll turn
like a bad dog

just take my hand

t

boot fetishist. grounded.

boot fetishist grounded to support shoes.
this is the sadness in my life right now. i have had an intense love for boots since i was a little girl.
what i recall from my first pair, is how they made me feel.
bigger, better, and badder than you. i was 5.
then i discovered my mothers heels.
1966. yummy leather pumps.
and me dancing naked in them.
i was braver already!

the first real money i ever earned and spent was on a pair of leather knee boots. im sure i thought i was something. i was 15... obviously it snowballed into living in leather boots for years.

and now.... realizing i may never again lace up a pair of stiletto boots...

Nucleus

for the three brunettes



Prince And The Revolution The beautiful ones BO... by ZapMan69

dance naked

happy monday. i just danced naked beneath the full moon

as much as may was deconstruction.
june, is shaping up to be reconstruction.
it began with an endless shopping trip and
the beginning of the love dungeon of sandra late sleepedness.

im unstuck and fluid again.
it feels good.
i realized on the 1st that there had been a shift.
i stepped lighter.
my patience returned.
i began to rub in the love of my friends
i embraced the strength it gave me.

my choices began to improve immediately.
opportunities presented themselves.
"once you let go of the bad stuff you give the good stuff a chance to find you"
my conscience is clear as i move forward.
pleasure trip.
work trip. this should be wild
interviewing right now to fill 2 positions.
one for work.
one for my pleasure.
its very interesting to be sandra right now.