goodbye 09

whew! what a year it's been. so many changes. the quick rundown of all the good stuff...
got the hell out of memphis. made 2 major moves. spent time with zed. changed careers, ended an unhealthy relationship. met some amazing new people. quit drinking. quit smoking. changed eating habits. started exercising. lost 40 lbs.

there were some down moments too. but they all led to here and now. i won't look back. i'm ready, bring on the newness.

merry merry

dinner was great. everyone is sleeping. watching fred claus.
~thinking about how wonderful it is to be here, now. lots more changes on the horizon.
samantha and i will exchange gifts at midnight. i cant wait to see how she likes her gifts. and cant wait to see what she got me. she loves to tell. i dont want to know.

...i had just turned 9 the christmas of 1970. its the christmas i remember the most. i asked for a particular brunette doll who's hair grew. i had asked for other things as well but this was my hearts desire. ~so not me today, if i could go back and change it, id have asked for a suitcase~ one afternoon i was in the house alone. i peeked under my moms bed, god knows why and there she was... Mia. i was sure my mom had gotten her for me.
now in our house presents exchanged within the family were wrapped, but santa claus didnt wrap gifts, he left them in piles for each kid, with their stocking on top...
i raced downstairs christmas morning and to my shock and dismay, there was mia, the growing hair doll in a chair from santa claus along with all the other things i'd seen under the bed. it ruined christmas and i just wished i hadnt looked. i never peeked again.

its christmas.

its christmas. the house is filled with the smell of italian sausage and oranges. i have a cake to get in the oven yet this evening and a few more presents to wrap. lights twinkle on the tiniest tree, but it's home for now.

funky as a fat mans drawers

trying to wrap up loose ends in memphis. it's making me a bit crazy. all feels pretty good in the world until i look back there and i get funky as a fat mans drawers.
thank goodness for one lone memphis servant who will be picking up the last of my things and getting them shipped off after the new year. between people freaking out and relapsing mildly on manthrax... ugh. i can't wait until tomorrow, cause it gets better everyday.
speaking of funky... i spoke with a sf/la submissive with a perversion so funky i hazard to tell it here. makes me feel so bloody normal!

snow for me

i woke this morning to find it snowed for my birthday. apparently this is a rare occurance. samantha has been here since 02 and has never seen it. wow... don't i feel special! of course.. it began melting as soon as the sun rose in the sky.


i got happy birthday calls, messages and well wishes, some great cards and lovely gifts. ~thanks to all~ though i must admit... my favorite thing was a pair of knit gloves from samantha. on moving hands theyre a little creepy, which i find stellar!

behold the beetlejuice gloves~


all in all... it turned out to be a good day. best birthday i've had in some years. and i didnt have to spend it alone! i cant wait until next year when i'm not captive at work! life does just keep getting better! Gaah! i am so excited for 2010! there's so much to do!

"stars are twinkling down at your soul. there's so much to look forward to, so you smile" i'm living JK. miss you!

ahhh november

October is over and I look ahead to crisp weather and the crunch of leaves beneath my feet. I do miss the grey skies of fall in Memphis. Yet, there is much I want to do here.
The next 2 months I will be on constant 24 hrs shifts with minimal breaks. Then in Jan.... I hope to start school. I enjoy some aspects of private healthcare, but even a medical assist certification will get me a job with the benefits I want and need. I've put out a couple of little fires and will go for a California license as soon as I can secure time off. I intend to spend the next 2 years busting my ass to make sure i dont have to be at the mercy of flaky submissives!
.......and lets face it, they are.
Oh, I'll still do phone and online sessions but nothing I'm not excited about. The very sad truth is... for every 100 submissives/slaves I met, only 1 was worth a second look. 1 out of 100 is pathetic. I'm ecstatic I don't need to see you to pay my bills. I will NEVER go back!
Life is good, full, busy and hectic.
Gaaaa! I love my life!

whoa!

I'm suprised I didn't catch a fly the way my jaw dropped when this video finished.
One word... whoa

familiarity

I left memphis on july 22nd. It hasnt been quite 3 months, yet my life is unrecognizable. I'm still the same person, but I have turned everything around. I've let go of some things and people that were just bad bad bad for me. I'm not unhappy with the changes, however I am in unfamiliar waters.
I find myself seeking comfort in familiarity...

the hunger...feels very october!

Brody Dalle... a few years ago, you could see my fetish with her clearly; the hair and the little black *leather* dress I wore completely out. I adored The Distillers and everything they put out. Then... they split and the next word was Brody was in love, pregnant and had gone back to her natural blonde locks.

Then word came of Brody's new band, Spinnerette. There was alot of hype while they negotiated a record deal. Spinnerette self titled album came out in June and I didn't even notice. The new song Baptized by Fire is pop rock at best. Barely memorable, highly forgettable. Though Brody looks great, her wails and beautiful screams set to angst filled and angry beats are gone.

I guess it's true... there's something about becoming a mom that makes you not want to be on the back of a harley going 90 miles an hour and scream... "faster!"

useful tools

"I walk down the street" and "you knew i was a snake" are samanthas 2 favorite useful tools for life now that shes grown.... but man did she hate hearing this when she was younger. i just ran across it online...
there are different variations. this one is the closest to what i used... less words meant i could get it out while she and her cohorts were still listening.

I walk down the street.
There's a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I fall in.
It takes forever to find a way out.


I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I pretend I don't see it. I fall in again.
It takes a long time to get out.


I walk down the same street and there is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I see it there, and still I fall in.
It's a habit.
I get out immediately.


I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I walk around it.


I walk down a different street.

By Portia Nelson

"it's just the power to charm..."

This new job has brought about serious changes in my life.

There was a move involved, so I live in a beautiful place. Deer walk about the grounds that are so used to people, they just keep walking and pay little attention. They stroll past your window, or there will be one or two just lying in the shade when you walk outside. Wild!

I quit smoking. It's true i was down to 3 cigarettes a day, but after 13 days, I feel safe in saying... I've quit. My daughter quit the same day. Last week we were walking into a restaurant and people were smoking at tables outside. We looked at each other and "Oooh that smell!"

The most significant change... I have retired from live domination. I'm still available for phone/cam/online but no more live sessions. I have wanted to do this for some time, being completely burned out and jaded with having people tell me what they wanted me to do for them. HA! No mas!

I put out a few feelers and have been speaking to a couple of people about lifestyle possibilities. One is of particular interest. Being lifestyle only, changes the dynamic completely and opens up a world of possibility.

I just can't wait to see what happens next!

Niteflirt down

Niteflirt is down, has been since Monday. I plan on hanging tight and riding the storm out. The beta site is up where you can see it but no calls can get through... hit me on yahoo @ lilithmission or dominaxandra@gmail and I will work something out with you.
meanwhile... I got a job today. MAJOR... I know!
I feel great and am sleeping better than i have in years... literally!

Someone's life is about to change!

feeling better

i'm feeling better. i think i look better. i dropped 22 lbs in 2 weeks, gotta love diuretics!

Alaska… it should have been an adventure.

I set off on my journey to the last frontier with wide eyes and immense hope. During the flight I was restless and uncomfortable. The flight was 4 ½ hrs long and as the end of my trek neared, I went to the lavatory. When I opened the door to exit, I realized I didn’t feel well at all.
Soon after I landed and jen picked me up at baggage claim.
The next day, I felt lousy but did trek out with jen to pick up a few things and take a drive along a lovely highway, right next to the mountains. We stopped for a quick photo op and it was beautiful.


Days passed and I felt worse. I felt like I couldn’t catch a breath. The swelling in my ankles was ridiculous and soon moved up to my abdomen. Though in my mind, I was just bloated, and all of this was because I am heavier than I’ve ever been in my life.
I was scared I wouldn’t make it out of there alive. I knew I couldn’t get on a plane in the condition I was in but minimized it all…. Telling myself I was just a chubby girl with panic attacks and if I went to the ER, they’d just laugh and tell me so.
My concern, turned to fear slowly. I let it go another 6 days before Fri. the 25th. As I twisted and tossed in bed, I realized that if I didn’t do something, jen would find me in my bed the next morning, dead.
I got dressed and called her cell from the living room at 3am and said, I need to go to the hospital. She dressed quickly and we were out of there in less than 5 minutes.
After checking my vitals, they brought a wheelchair and took me right back.
I was a very sick girl. I had a few issues, which are none of your business or I’d tell them here.
I spent several days in the hospital and had excellent care. I am feeling better and back in California where I plan to stay for some time.

monterey bay

monterey is a lovely little town. being right on the bay, its foggy and chilly, ideal for me... were i prepared for it. i left my hoodie up north. *frown* nonetheless. ive gotten out quite a bit. dennis the menace park, fishermans wharf, lovers something or other. drove into pacific grove, very cute little town. story book even.

last night i went to the ER. 2 hours in and out ... amazing. memphis would've taken 16 minimum, oakland... perhaps 24. i had some dodgy swelling in my ankles on the flight from memphis. it hadnt gotten any better. so to ease my mind, and the mind of my loved ones (yes i have them) i surrendered and walked in. im very glad i did. turns out i am fine. no underlying issues, just some superficial swelling and the doc just said to stay off my feet. thats the worst bit. you dont tell that to a chubby girl whos trying to walk and be active. Grrr! what a pisser.

anywy. i havent taken alot of pics here. i have been terribly worried aboout the swelling... so i am relieved. tomorrow samantha is driving down and we are going to the aquarium and having dinner... then we head back to walnut creek til i fly out to anchorage. sigh

i am ready to be in anchorage. im too old to gypsy around like this. lol. its fun, but then at points i just want to go home. jennifer has made great strides in making the place comfy. she even got an suv last weekend. so she is mobile. i am hearing mixed reviews about public trans there. i will get there and see what happens. hell i may be driving again before this adventure ends.

stay tuned!

rejuvenation

after an emotional last 48 hrs in memphis and delayed flights and traveling in coach eww! i arrived in san jose and my baby was waiting there to scoop me up.
of course we stayed up talking, so we slept in til about 10am yesterday and by 11am we were off to pick up friends and head to the beach. up one side of a mountain and down the other we arrived at stinson beach. we had a lovely picnic and waded in the icy cold water. heres a few pics...





yes i got a little sunburned. today im lounging and will have dinner with samantha and friends tonite. i thnk we might see a movie later.

its good to relax.i have several more days of rest and rejuvenation before i fly to alaska and start work. cheers!

packing anxiety

i hate sorting through material items and trying to decide what to take, store or pitch. it's like ripping my life apart and it totally stresses me out. ugh. i packed up the playroom today. i packed some to take, some to store and found homes for some. we're talkin 5 years of hardware.

i'm almost done. the charity truck comes tomorrow. i'm selling the bed tuesday and going to a hotel for the night so i can shuttle to the airport wed evening. Then i'll have 10 relaxing days in california. ahhh

yes it's true

i am moving this month to anchorage alaska. memphis is a dried up hole. full of closet queers and cocksuckers and very few that want real BDSM. what a shame. i grew up here. i love and hate this city with equal fervor. so... i am moving with my friend jen who says. memphis sucks you down and when you leave it sucks you back. this is very likely, cause i've left many times only to find myself back here... giving it another try.
apparently i have pissed some people off recently with my candor. oh... fucking... well!
so i'm guarded and standoffish... whatever. try doing what i do. if it was easy wouldnt everyone be doing it.
so i'm off to a new adventure. I leave memphis july 22nd. i'm so excited!!

here i go again

My midtown stay is coming to an end the 21st of july. those of you that want to see me before i move need to make arrangements. I'm going out with a bang.
where to next? i'm thinking somewhere cold! ahhh!

Well *sigh* summer is officially here. Memphis heat is sweltering and sticky and I detest it.
Offers to ski or lounge by the cool water have not been pouring in. Imagine that! Mostly what I'm hearing is subbies and fetishists asking how they can make money or earn credit with me. I have 2 words........... fuck you! It isn't my desire to make things easy for you. Seriously... quit smoking that shit!

Just last week I had someone ask what new cool stuff I'd been doing and when I said "nothing" they asked why I had been "standoffish" wtf! If you haven't paid for a session in 3 months... or needless to say 3 years... I am not likely to tell you anything. Whether you think we're like "friends" or because you've known me a long time or you think we have some "special connection" the friends I have think about and communicate with me on a regular basis, not just when they're in the mood to do something freaky. Friends remember me on holidays and my birthday. they called after the recent storm and asked if I was okay and if I had power. If this isn't you... you are not my friend.

for samantha

Kenny Rogers and the First Editiom
for gods sakes turn around
kenny thought he was the shit... i bet this song got him a ton of pussy.

fast and dangerous

What a storm, fast and dangerous! I was on Union after the winds died and the sky was bright yellow, just above the trees. I wish I had seen this tho...

rough customers...

last night i get a call from samantha.
"you are fucking beautiful."
"huh"
"you are a good lookin motherfucker"
"what?"
"go to your computer"

So I do. I think perhaps she doesn't realize she's talking to her mom. She invites me to photoshare and has something urgent I should see.
She sends me several pictures of a woman who used to be a very close friend of mine. Judging from the photos, she has gone from the beauty she always was,just 3 years ago to an aged woman. Looking very old, rough and WOW. Perhaps illness has beset her. The change is inexplicable. She is younger than I am.

Last night, as most, I didnt sleep much and I thought of her, how drastically she had changed, how different she looks. What came to me is.... wearing karma on your face. For all the poison you put forth, it coming back and grabbing your face. OUCH.

So... loving my 47 year old face as I do. I'll post my most recent pics.

mmm

This girl is a "hot mutha fucker" there's just no other way to say it.

it's 5 oclock somewhere

yea... It's 4:54PM and I am drunk.
So upon request I made a hiccup video for you fetish fucks! Silly shit. Find it in the clipstore tomorrow.

new clips

After some minor difficulty last night getting things to load on clips4sale, I had success this morning and 2 new clips are available for purchase. They are short, 4 and 5 minutes, and inexpensive. The urethral invasion is INTENSE and AMAZING. A must see.
I've had requests for more Smother and Breast Tease. I will try to do some this week. Although... the appointments are mounting! I love when my calendar is stuffed with playtime. RAWR!

Here are a couple of webcam captures from the weekend.

she went down...swingin'

This could be in the top 10 of my all time faves. Maybe because I love songs that tell a story, or Howies *RIP* haunting backup vocal or it reminds me....... They'll never take me alive!
Enjoy...

end of may

*sigh* Tomorrow is june 1st. I'm a tad distressed by this because of the 3 months of humid hell I'm in for. I do not love summer in Memphis. Means I'll swing to vampire time as much as I can and still do noon beatings. I will take the opportunity to stay inside and do more cam and writing.

If it gets too hot I'll get a kiddie pool, fill it on the porch and lounge in it with a frosty juicy beverage. *yum*

The subhuman douchebag I whipped on thursday won't answer texts. *grin* I think I hurt his feelings. Don't ask for my wrath if you don't want it.

I have no appts for the coming week. So step out the door boys. Grab some life! Surrender to ME!

lump

I've been waking with a lump in my throat. An ache that won't go away. Things so uncertain it's no wonder I feel this way. Wishy washy jerkholes dont help the situation.
If you make an appointment and for some reason you can't make it, unless youre fucking dead.. make a damn phone call, send a text message, email... hell twitter it for fucks sake. I'm imposing the $100 fine again. If you dont show and don't let me know somehow... you're fined!

This bastard text me today after blowing off 3 appts 3 months ago... perhaps you don't comprehend because you don't feel the whelps on his back, I unleashed on this fool. It felt good to make him cry. Then I made him pose for this pic with Mare and I before he slithered out the door. Think he'll be back? Of course he will.

memorial day

I wasnt feeling festive. I just wanted to beat someone up... stretch their balls beyond human limits or turn an ass BRIGHT friggin red. So I said. I hope it rains all fucking weekend. And though there was some sunshine.. it rained everyday. awesome storms and little sunshowers. just look at this sky as i was walking... and yes... I got WET!

random angry cell pic taken at murphys

long weekend ahead!

I'm still sad about JessieKitty. Seeeing what she was up to was a bright spot in every day. It's made me think hard about time on this planet and how quickly it could be gone.

Where are all you dirty boys that have contacted me about RT and have't made it in the door? What are you waiting for? You know there's nothing better to do this looong holiday weekend than come surrender for a slice of humiliation and discipline. Get off your ass! Grab hold of some LIFE!

My plan is to prowl and write, get creative with the blender and a bottle of Absolut Raspberry, and PREY for someone to fly into my web. ~laughs wildly~

**Having trouble getting listings accepted on Niteflirt. If you're interested in Cocksucking 101 or 201 I will be happy to accept your paypal payment.

Jessie Kitty

I am beyond sadness tonight. My favorite eyecandy and angry cupcake, Jessie Kitty has died in an accident. My heart goes out to her boyfriend, Joe.
She was the Killer Kitty with the most amazing eyes.


Jessica Shirley Eastwood
(February 24, 1981 - May 10, 2009)

She was an amazing girl, hot, incredibly beautiful and intelligent. Some but not all of her accounts have been shut down so I don't know how long this video will be working... but, it's a befitting tribute to the most rad, punk rock girli I've ever laid eyes on.
I know I'm not alone when i say...I will miss her terribly.

jessiekitty

Mothers Day

Samantha came for Mothers Day. It was awesome wonderfulness to spend time with her. She is the best daughter. I'm sure I deserve it! We shopped, went to the spa, took pics and went through some old ones. Here's a blast from the past for those of you who knew me when I first started domming professionally.



One lucky guy got the priviledge of an audience with the two of us. I dont think george will ever be the same. Then we did a little psycho drama dance in michaels head via hypnosis for some extra shopping money. Ahhh. life is good.

She took some pics of me and made me look beautful as always. I'm having difficulty loading them onto the site. So I will post a couple here.

pensive rainy day

It stormed last night. Massive booming thunder, lightning cracking and lighting the sky. The storm is over but it's still raining. I love the rain. i love to hear it, see it, feel it and dance in it.

It sounds like it could wash away the ache of a million tears.

I've been holding on to an ache. You think it would be easy to let go of something that hurts more than it feels good. Then again, life is just a string of moments. ...and oh but when it feels good!

Bottom line... everybodys shit stinks.

new recordings

Since I awoke this morning to money in my niteflirt account from a recorded listing,I spent the afternoon working on saucy new recordings. I have loaded 2 and am working on a hypnosis recording now.

go, listen, enjoy!

this was amazing

brilliant photos that look like they're photoshopped but...

photos

angry rant

I get so angry at these fuckers who call and hang up as soon as they cum. I can understand if it isn't working for you and you just end the call. I can hear when I'm hitting and getting a good response and they just hang up... Trust me fellas... not everyone blows and runs. Rude fuckers!

I do good phone domination. I get right to it and don't try to milk the clock. I'll ask 3 questions to find out what you're looking for and I'm off like a shot.

Is there anywhere that makes you buy at least 10 minute increments? Apparently not. If youre looking for good, intelligent, mature and brutal no nonsense phone domination... give a call. If you're a first time caller your first 3 minutes are free.

1979

I always loved Supertramp. I remember Breakfast In America dominating the airwaves in 1979. Can you believe it's been 30 years?

news

New clip in the clipstore. And I have launched dominaxandra.com once again. It is sort of bare bones right now. I swore when I took the last site from the web I wasn't supplying wankers with free stimuli ever again. There are links to the blog, clipstore and niteflirt; as well as a contact page and an faq.

Aside from that... lots of erotic insanity in the playroom lately. Springtime brings out the lust in everyone.. Any wild thing you can think of... if it's legal... most likely, I can make it happen. And yes. I want a deposit to arrange those wild scenes. I put too much work into arranging them to have you decide it was enough to just talk about it and leave me hanging. You know who you are.

roller derby

I had a a long time servant as a guest last weekend. Food, spirits and hypnosis. One minute youre a man. The next, you’re a vegetable.
We indulged in the voyeurism and violence of Memphis Roller Derby. Which was entertaining. One team of four I saw in action that night actually made me want to watch the game. Well done PrissKilla Prezleys, they looked great in action, their variations of the uniform were interesting and fun, their players were good and played well. They had punderful names as well. Quite cool.

Action shots were hard to get, but the signs were stellar.

clip store

I added a new vid to the clip store. Its a delcious clip of my pouty red mouth smoking a cigarette while handing down a little light humiliation.

if you can't say somethng nice....

if you cant say something nice... dont say nothin!
...fuck it... i'll let johnny cash say it..
~i am not a country music fan. johnny cash isnt country music. johnny cash is america~

ummm... yea.

yea yea yea. it's been forever. i went on an awesome cruise with my daughter. we did have a blast. laughed too much at others. developed a resentment of loveless, souless people. ~nyaiii~ saw amazing sites and scenery and we swam, holding hands in beautiful aqua blue waters and fed the fishes.