Feel the rumble

The pain is relentless the last few days. I can smile and fake it for a bit but... It's bad. Steady train of level 8 pain. 

Ken Marsden knockoff

Just left of Jupiter

happy christmas sandra

growing up, we celebrated christmas big. it was a 3 week preparation for a feast, with lighted trees, candy making and parties lots of baking gifts...all building to santa, presents and the feast.
there was no church. there was no mention of jesus.it was a winter festival, a self indulgent dream, a big party to celebrate making it through another year.
its lost something for me.
sure i love the gift giving part. and i love being able to buy great gifts for the people i love. the food has changed. since i can no longer eat like everyone else, nor does samantha. and having to consider everyones dietetic restrictions... is exhausting.
but the real issue is the loneliness.
if youve no one in your life, it just adds more weight.
the only thing worse i think, is being separated from the one you love during the holidays.
because when there is no one to talk to
your thoughts can drive you mad.
merry christmas. cheers

of saturns moons

Full moon ritual

galaxy girl

enough

I open myself up. I talk to you about your fetishes. I indulge them. And you run. Always coming back days, weeks, months later.

One day. It will be over and I will respond no more. 

Knockoff..

 A watercolor nod to Georgia OKeefe

My robot

Once again it Is Halloween and instead of drowning in feathers this year....and samantha has literally melted since going vegan.I asked her to go robot. Although i had visions of post apocalyptic steampunk robot and she wanted shiny out if the factory; it was a challenge. And this had some great elements. Of course the corset... I redesigned from over to under bust and added the lights. 

The neck piece I literally sculpted on her neck. She asked foru a silver, coiled turtleneck. It looked amazing. She loved it. 

leaves

i do love fall.
everything it is and everything it represents.
zooming through the pile of leaves in the street sending them flying in all directions
letting all the old ideas float away like those leaves.
leaving me bare to embrace what i am
at my core.
as it is revealed.
and i am not who i was yesterday.

swing my heart across the line

some things are over before they get to me. 

i caught this song somewhere, loved it, so of course i googled 

not only is this a great song, but the video is classic.

it turns out this kid singing is a musical genius/producer. as well and worked with my fave girl... you guessed it. zzward

No words

mission accomplished

I had to get away. A month of endless 24 hr shifts and less and less sleep, overload, short circuit, burnout.

I had a mission with four points. 

Rest. Have an insane amount of orgasms. Take a few pics for NiteFlirt. Paint. (All while eaitng as clean as i could)

 

 

When

When did I get so guarded? When did my opinions change so drastically? When did all of you become way more annoying than necessary? When did food start making me feel like garbage and become such a major fucking issue? 

connections in kinkville

I am so not here right now. So much happening I don't want to share.

I am perfect. Happier than ever. 

Though I am me. I always want more. And I wil have it. Eventually. 

I did have the most brilliant update on a pair from the past who I never dreamed I'd get the dish on. I sat listening with the biggest smile thinking, "I am the luckiest girl in the universe." Tis true.

I freaking love the Bay Area. It has the most random connections. Especially in kinkville! 

beneath my booted heel

make me blush

the end is not in sight

yea, i am not writing.
its not that i dont have 300 riveting details to reveal.
i just dont want you to know. or you either, and especially not you.

im back on the phone lines.
ive been test driving a new boy.
ive been painting
reading
watching netflix and dvds.
and communing  with the stars
every night.
 i want the dark prince to show me something.... anything.
i hate when people are too scared to move.

Kidney stones.

Again. 4th one since I've been in California. 4 years. Now one a year.may not sound like a lot. But... Unless you've pushed a rock through your urinary tract. You couldn't even imagine. This has been a day of pain unlike the prior stones. Cold sweats and intense pain. I feel like a ripper victim being slow tortured.

Bloody fuck me. 

It'll pass. More water. More lemon juice. More olive oil. 

My health is good. Since I don t listen to doctors tell me I'm fucking dying. I've been great. 2 yrs now. Fuck them! 

I refuse to listen to that shit ever again. And I'll use them  need them. But I don t suspect I will. I'll be around way longer than any of you. 

lust for life

I'm not blue.

watercolor, my new fave thing. Sadly you must be still to do it. Not my strong suit. 

let it bleed

 I'm cleaning out the drafts of the random thoughts from my phone and other unfinished masterpieces. My specialty.

They are perfect in my mind you see. I let myself down with words. With pencil or color. But in my mind.....

Only performance pieces. Like scenes that morph and warp erotic intensity as they blossom, tend to be perfection to me. It makes sense. its private art.between you and I. Perhaps I capture a nanosecond. It is but a reminder to you and I of the beautiful twisted darkness that we danced in for the briefest moment.

my thoughts too intense to be anything but felt.
 push the throttle.

far beyond jupiter

wish I could credit the artist properly. I cant make out the name, but you can see the signature.

27 days later

Sj and I stumbled upon "the secret" one night on Netflix.
we both waded into the shallow end at first but I kept going deeper.
4 months later, I ordered "the magic"
I just finished the 28 day gratitude thingy. ( Immersing gratitude into every area of your life)
and I am surprised I was able to pull it off. one day I fogot to make the daily list and one practice I didn't do but a few timesbut overall, I will take what works for me but I must say.
ive had amazing results with all of this.
the good feeling perpetuates...
life IS magical.

Hyper on 2

I sit, write, draw, dance and smoke in the back yard til at least 2 am every night. Later on days off. yep.... sunrise. Monitors and windows allow me to see if she gets up. Truth is I think I just don't want to go to bed alone. If there were someone waiting... Would I still be up?

.while I live in this lovely spot. Where I can wander safely at night, under the stars. Half naked if I want. Or fully if the moon is full.... I'm going to savor every second I can. I'll sleep when I'm dead thank you. 

im leavin tomorrow, what do you say?

Call the Hummingbirds

worlds most beautiful woman.

its not that i think a woman should look fuckable to be beautiful.
but gwyneth paltrow, worlds most beautiful woman?
dogshit. give me a fucking break.
there is nothing beautiful about her... especially since shes been awesome enough to show us her entitled nature on goop.
show us a beauty we havent seen before,
definitely not one who is as widely unpopular as this bony-ass uber brat.

heres an idea............................
zz ward

from may 2

3825

ive been reluctant to post.
i contemplated moving.
or starting over.
although it lacks direction
it is honest. raw and revealing.
a time travel romp all over my life.

im not ready to let it go.
yet.

life changes so quickly.
so many mornings i wake.
and i am not who i was yesterday.

ive realized recently...
i dont know what i want. (but what i dont)
i want to know what is available to me

censored!

hopefully, i got all the ads down in time.
 i left the pics i think arent too graphic..

adult content

got an email from blogger.
no more adult content.
or advertising adult sites.
i must pill adult content or lose the blog altogether.
and i have til june 30.
wow. 3 whole days.
to censor 5 years of my life.
bad form google!
time to move.

get lucky!

i have recently become the luckiest girl on the planet.
weird for me. but i love it!

i had to attend a charity event.
my bosses charity.
it was a poker tournament.
texas hold em.
never even played regular poker.
sj went with me. but
she was anxious to get out of there.
so she did. and i advanced to the next table.
and the next.
and the next.

and then i was at the final table with 7 other people.\
and i stayed until the last hand. and i lost it.
so i placed 2nd. cool.
won cash.  cool
my boss is hella impressed. she is 72 and today when she spoke to me she said
"that was so cool to watch" very cool!
i think i might play poker again sometime.

Supermoon 13

Before the fall

I try to search for patterns.

In food, conversation, sleep. 

Hoping I will find something.

Something. Anything that will help her. 

It doesn't find me. 

It's so random it's critical. 

I have noticed one pattern.

There's always noticeable improvment before a decline.
:(

Lost Sunday

I spent the day In the wind.

Pensive. 

Irritable. 

Kiss me.

watch the hours flare, push the throddle

10k views

It only took 5 years. ;)

Eject me

Forehead pressed to the glass.

Biting that fat bottom lip. 

Eyes stinging 

From the serious gaze.

Eject me from my confines.

Watch me rocket.

Everything with ease.

Bursting through the sky .

Leaving xandradust in the trees. 

2:40 am

Beneath the dark cloudy sky.

Rocking to and fro and thinking hard. 

Gathering the peace to harness this energy.

And streamline what I've observed.

I've almost finished my mission. 

There's not another soul in the world at this moment.
Just me.
And the thoughts that drive me bloody mad. 

500! always alright!

500 posts.
my how things have changed.
 and changed.
and changed again since i began this blog back in fall of 2008.
i was a jaded, struggling woman trying to figure out
how to turn 50 with grace...
the last 5 years have been a crazy ride.
more laughs than tears.
im still stumbling through
finding out what suits me and
getting rid of what no longer does.
i get more comfortable with who i am everyday.
i expect the best.
its what i desire.
its what i deserve.

Multivitamin

Pull it off and throw it round.
Shake it loose and turn around.
Bend it over and drop it down.
Crawl across and spread it slow.
Probe the depths and beckon the flow.

thank you jenie

For my devious smile,
And full lips,
My shapely legs,
And my round hips
For my buttery voice
And my sultry eyes,
Unstoppable cleavage
and my muscular thighs.
My devious mind,
and creative hand
For My devious smile,
My sensuous brand.

sleep dep looks good on you!

i dont miss you

mother fucker.
i dont miss you at all.
not your attention,
or how i was your religion.
not that you loved to make me laugh.
or how i spin my web
and smother your past.
i dont need your kisses
i dont miss you like before
you get no more of my vision
im insane and youre a whore..
im not your baby anymore

post

im gathering info

lethal to you

suffer no fools

making new rules

 

what you feel

this is in a book by stephen elliot
a bay area author originally from chicago

 

 

 

What's on second.

Mission accomplished

Day with samantha. Dropped the top. Berkeley. San Rafael bridge. Golden gate. Baker beach and ghiradelli square. All missions completed.
What a beautiful day

 

 

Sandy eggo.

I went other places my camera did not.
Some messed up shit happened here.
So did some good stuff.

finally

im getting away.
this weekend.
san diego
house on the beach
full service submissive
at my disposal.
so excited.
god i need a break.

im a goddess on my knees

remember this gem?
lol
i had forgotten what a great song it is.

cover you in my curves

 

new photo shoot. will be on sale on nf in a few days. heres a peek.

life just keeps getting better!

was out with sj.

she said... somewhat shocked "mom, people hella stare at you"

they always have. she grew up and now she sees it.

cleavage, confidence and charisma!

ministry

love this version. a little obsessed with it lately.

isnt it time for someone new to cover this?

 

mr

speed bump

The mechanic has a fetish.
I always refuse to run over his hand, he tricked me last week.
God damn son!

spank its ass & put it to bed

i got a speeding ticket leaving carson city nv last month.

and of course i had medical marijuana in my possession.

they called the k9 unit. haha what a waste of taxpayer dollars.

i was pissed. dreaded it for 3 weeks and drove back up there for court.

i was facing 2k in fines and possible jailtime or rehab. paraphernalia!

the judge was tall dark and handsome.

400 out the door.

i love ruby woo!

freight train

steady rumble beneath my feet
a powerful train
headed my way.
i have never been so swept away.

gravity

Good.

Come and take me

I love al green.
With Faye sick and sleeping all the time. I'm plugged in for company. Trying to stay busy. Oh my idle hands. ;)

try....