so much happening and on the horizon.
move groove and make some noise i am.
(and when i cant... she does it for me.)
next week zac coming.
big five oh about to spank my ass.
im excited.
then christmas and new years and smathys bday and then..................
i can relax .
truly. i have two major events. my 50 th and my death.
they hang over my head as nothing ever has.
and
i have expectations for both.
but at my core what truly haunts me is finding a love to fuel me
to live another 20 years.
im sure ive survived this long (against my best efforts)
on sheer spite.
trying to shake the recurring family curse of "you wont live to see____.
fill in the blank. the first i heard was 15 i believe.
keep this up and you wont live to see 15.
my sister told me years after that when i ws 25 she wouldnt have given a nickel for my life.
