i found out recently that an old friend of mine died in a car accident, leaving a 10 year old son. worse... it happened 18 years ago. i felt like a schmuck. it set my mind on fire.
first off i thought... wow im a shitty friend. i just moved away from cathy and closed the door behind me. i thought of her, but i never looked back.
i began looking at other relationships; my family, friends, loves. one day, i move on and i close the door. no wonder the people i once knew well want little to do with me now. i was so reckless with others hearts that way. i used to think often about how my parents must have felt... my dads anyway, worrying, wondering where i was and if i was safe, or even alive. but ive never entertained the fact that my siblings may have been hurt. pissed yes, but hurt; the thought never occurred to me.
truth is my leaving so young wasnt about anyone else. it was about me and my search for freedom, truth, knowledge, passion and the exploration of them all. i left because i felt like i would suffocate if i didnt.
in loving memory of Cathy Montleon 1961-1992
