i take care of the vultures with a glass of wine

its 3 am. so naturally when i went to pee, i checked on tootie. she was still, eyes open. i walked over and touched her shoulder and asked if she wanted a drink. she didnt move, eyes fixed, i shook her 3 times before i saw her take a breath. she looked at me and i started to cry. i thought she was gone. not that i would be sad for her, she  hasnt known anyone, including herself, in over 5 years.  i will be happy for her, relieve for her family and sad for me. ive learned alot about myself caring for tootie.
they have told me she will likely forget how to swallow and choke to death. i guess i am hoping when it happens she will just pass in her sleep.  more peaceful than choking to death. holy fuck that sounds horrid.
i know she deserves to move on... but im wondering how im going to handle another death. because right now. it feels like i swallowed a boot...
part of me wants to stay until she passes, the other thinks its time to move on.